Friday, December 4, 2009

Show Biz Outer Monologue

Come on come on come on. Gimme corn, Larry. Corn. CORN MOTHERFUCKER! Enough to fill that bowl. No, the smaller one. Well where the fuck do you think it is? Yes I know one cannot be "less equal" than any other one. Try not to be so mathematical. My Yoga teacher whispered that to me while she was licking my nipples. My wife gave me Yoga lessons for the Holidays. The universe is filled with magic! It's like the sun and love and happy and children and my BMW.

Now my bikini wax is at four today and I want to listen to that Suzanne Vega song during that session. Make sure you put it on my iPod. No, the old Nano. What, you think you can pull my dick? That bowl is only half full - AND I TOLD YOU I WANTED THE BOWL FULL. Don't pull my dick!

SUCK MY DICK IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ENOUGH CORN IS! YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN. I know good corn when I see it. That's nice corn! Probably from Indiana.

Frank, see this report? Are you fuckin' stupid? WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU WORKING FOR ME YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE COCKSUCKER! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU'RE GAY, YOU TRY ME, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU FUCKIN' TRY ME. My lawyer went to Oxford. How about yours, Jimmy? TRY ME! Where'd your lawyer go? You like your job, Frank? Huh? Kids eating okay? I want you to do this whole report over. You won't have time? Well then fuck you I guess, right?

Wait, you're not Frank, you're Jimmy! Sorry Jim. JIM! JIM JIM JIM. Remember those whores in Cabo, Jim? Oh, Jesus Christ! Nice report Jim. Yes. Fucking great. Oh, the fuckin' Powerpoint on that was brilliant. Work with me here Jim. Jim! Can I hire her to do the art? How much is she? TWENTY an hour? Fuck her. Brilliant art, Frank. No Jimmy! They were all laughing. Think of all that fucking money! I really like that tie, Jimmy, where can I get one? No I couldn't lube it up this morning but I will on Sunday night. Oh, sure sure sure. Love ya babe. Asshole.

Larry where's my fucking latte you fucking idiot?! You're fired! I said extra hot. I want it here in five minutes. Where the FUCK is my iPod?

You want this corn to burn my mouth? SUE YOU YEAH I'LL SUE YOU. YOU TRY ME. Jim be with you in a second. Love you babe. ASSHOLE! A FULL BOWL. YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKIN' BOWL IS DICKHEAD? My lawyer went to Oxford. Yeah you get health insurance after a year but that's not even my fucking job to know that. You do your job, I'll do mine. Can't you read? I still don't have my latte. No latte, no happy. Know what that means Frank?