Friday, October 23, 2009

The Way the Wind Blows

Why is there a "Brazilian Fart Fetish"? Viz.:

There is an array of questions I need answered, please:
  1. Does a Brazilian fart smell differently from, say, one produced in Alberta? Or Maldives?
  2. Does a lesbian fart executed in Brazil have a distinct and erotic sound, worthy of placement on the international fetish stage (e.g. Youtube)? If not, why aren't there things like "Kansas City Fart Fetish" and "Chocolate Fart Bitches" or "Asian Gas Hoze # 37"?
  3. What about the same lesbian executing the same fart in Argentina, or Colombia? Any change in timbre or smell? Would the same lesbian's partner notice a change of context? Argentina and Colombia are at much higher altitudes. What affect does this have? Is it dangerous to sniff a lesbian fart at five thousand feet?
  4. What about Central America?
  5. Would a devout Christian be committing a sin by masturbating to these films? Would he or she need to convert to Judaism to avoid eternal damnation? Or would you need to become a Hindu?
  6. If you made a film where Angelia Jolie climbed to the top of Machu Picchu, ate four cans of baked beans and a head of broccoli, then bent over and sprayed a seventy-five thousand liter fart onto Lindsay Lohan's face, would the resulting sound and explosion be so overwhelmingly awe-striking that tens of thousands of indigenous South Americans would willfully commit ritual suicide?
  7. Pursuant to 6. and 3. and 2. above, if Jim Jones had known about Brazilian Fart Fetish, would he have had to spend all that money on Kool Aid?
  8. Pursuant to 6. and 3. and 2. above, couldn't the Brazil Fart Fetish become an effective weapon in The War on Drugs?
  9. Is it possible that Rosie O'Donnell enjoys Brazilian Fart Fetish films, but her partner prefers Rwandan Fart Fetish films, hence producing strife and discord in the marriage?
  10. If a lesbian I know has amassed a large collection of Brazilian Fart Fetish material, but I am concerned that the activity contributes to global warming, what should I do? Has the government of Brazil produced a pamphlet that I can have as a safety guide?
Thank you in advance for helping me with my questions!

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